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Grobastaire Lives


"Grobastaire Lives" (Rembrandt)

Rembrandt’s “Grobastaire Lives”

  1. And it came to pass that Dennis did take his script, which featured Grobastaire, whom he lovest, and took it into the land of Rewrites, to offer him for a burnt offering, for no man who could play him had shown his face for auditions, despite his pleadings.
  2. And Dennis clave his laptop, and opened up the script, and did start the version of blue pages.
  3. And Grobastaire spake unto Dennis from the pages. And he said, Behold, where have I gone from scene one?
  4. And Dennis said, Thine former spouse is now a single mother of two, and she is a waitress in the city of great wind called Chicago.
  5. And Grobastaire spake again to Dennis and said, What hast happened to me? Have I perished in some great fire as I saved my former spouse and our two children, Tess and Conner?
  6. And Dennis said, No, thou hast been given a bill of divorcement from thy spouse.
  7. And Dennis and Grobastaire went both of them together in silence to scene three.
  8. And Grobastaire spake again to Dennis and said, Am I still not come hither in scene three to be with my former spouse and our two children, Tess and Conner, on the eve of Christmas?
  9. And Dennis said, No, it is not thine turn to have the children. Thou hadst them on the day of giving thanks.
  10. And Dennis and Grobastaire went both of them together in silence to scene five.
  11. And Grobastaire spake again unto Dennis and said, Why hast thou done this thing unto me? I hadst a fun rapport with my spouse. We hadst the iPhone joke.
  12. And Dennis said, It is not my fault. No man who could play thee hast shown his face for auditions. Hast thou not read my latest blog writing?
  13. And Grobastaire spake again unto Dennis and said, Nevertheless, canst thou not hold off on the rest of the rewrite? Is there not one last audition tomorrow night?
  14. And Dennis said, Not really. It is a meeting of casting. We shall put out a call to the rushing wind via Facebook that if there be any who should like to come audition during our meeting of casting, we shall see them, but all of our pleadings thus far have gone unheard. And rehearsals start soon, and a rewrite of this great size cannot wait longer.
  15. And Grobastaire said, Thou hast not saved over the white version, hast thou?
  16. And Dennis said, I have. And Grobastaire’s countenance fell.
  17. And Dennis said, Perchance there is a copy on the backup drive in the office.
  18. And Grobastaire said, Please do not copy over the backup version in the office until the meeting of casting is over. A man who can play me will be provided.
  19. On the morrow, at the final hour of the meeting of casting, Dennis stretched forth his hand, and poised his finger over the delete key to slay his recently restored white version.
  20. And Dennis lifted up his eyes, and looked, and behold, a man who couldst play Grobastaire didst walk through the doors, and he did say that his spouse had heard the call in the rushing of the wind via Facebook and had sent him forthwith to audition.
  21. And Dennis did put down his finger, and gave thanks, and said Grobastaire lives.
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